It was good to get to Vespers last Saturday night but I must admit that I was very distracted.
It is true that I have had some financial setbacks (due to Christmas overspending, no doubt) and I thought that was the reason for my distraction and while it did occupy my mind truthfully I have always known that God has helped me through tight spots before and He would do so again. This, by the way, He has done. The needed money for my short term crisis arrived, Praise God, although I do need to sit down, put a budget together and cut back on some of my unnecessary spending.
What really distracted me last Saturday is my relationship with my wife. For the longest time, I have had a hard time opening up to her; there is a fear there, something inside of me that makes it impossible for me to be vulnerable with her. This, of course, is unhealthy. This, of course, is distracting. This, of course, will not do!
And an added problem to my unopeness is that my wife has no interest in Orthodoxy, She, a happy Protestant, thinks I am nuts for pursuing this and it drives the divide bigger. It is the unspoken wedge that we both know about but what else can I do? I certainly cannot remain a Protestant.
Talking to my wife about Orthodoxy, she said “Why don’t you just convert?” The truth is I know that she does not want me to- my entire family doesn’t want me to and I kind of wanted to go with their blessing or better yet have them come along! She also said I had a duty to discuss this with my Pastor. He may not want someone who holds “such views” in positions of leadership in the church. (Currently, I run the children’s youth group). I have already talked about my Orthodox yearnings with the associate Pastor but that was some time ago so I guess it’s time to talk to the Senior Pastor. We have a meeting scheduled for this Wednesday at 4pm.
At that time I will talk about Orthodoxy and also talk about how it is hurting my relationship with my wife. I’ll let you know how that goes.
Father Gary’s homily was on the Chains of St. Peter. He made the point that normally we don’t venerate chains but these are worth venerating because of how the angel set him free from prison. From there, he asked, “What chains have you down?” He reminded his flock that God is in the business of loosening chains.
This I certainly need, Lord have mery!